Saturday, May 23


I am sunken in my chair now.
I am..what's the word
FRAIL.
that's right.
FRAIL, like an elderly lady.
I can't talk much.
My throat hurts.
and losing my voice is like losing my weapon.
that's a long story.
I have no idea where my ipod and phone are.
I cannot eat the subway cookies sis has bought for fear of inflaming my throat.
I can't drink plum juice.
which led to all this strife in the first place.
I just have to settle for peppermint tea and twiggies.
My browbones hurt. Both of them.
And when I shout or listen to music for a long time, my head starts to hurt.
I feel like its in a vice.
Fantastic right?
So now anytime I'm expecting to be photo-sensitive and light-sensitive, subito.
I can't even go out.
And suddenly I'm turning into this whiny brat.
I can't, I can't, I can't.
but that's the truth.
I can't do a lot of things.


I guess I will pick myself up sooner or later. It helps to have a really great mother.

And anyway,
talking about what's been occupying the radar a lot these days...
American Idol.
Gosh, Kris won.
I don't want to talk about the lovely people who pretty much spoiled it for during school, some of them were like,'It's Kris!' 'It's Adam!'
I didn't know who to believe.
But yeah, later that afternoon, after watching the recording that Mum had taped, and AFTER watching the performances of both Adam and Kris,
I was kinda disappointed that Adam didn't win.

Of course, Kris was flaunting his abilities with piano, and guitar, whereas Adam pulled off his tricks (vocal acrobatics, amazing control, and overall atmosphere)


However, when it comes down exactly to that - atmosphere - I still think Adam won hands down. He has that stage presence, and that energy, and sometimes Kris can put me to sleep. Yeah, his voice is soothing and everything, but wasn't Adam the same way on Mad World? His voice is very, very, haunting.


and anyway,
looks like america didn't want to be represented by adam?
is that it?
so what if his sexual orientation is questioned?
don't tell me there arent people like him in america,
so subito everyone wants to vote for the 'good' guy.
seriously, don't know what's wrong with everyone.


i don't really have anything against kris,
i did like his rendition of Ain't No Sunshine, unfortunately the only of his performances that I liked.


God.


Friday, 22 may


We had Lifeskills.
From 8-ish to 12.40pm.


Our coach, Coach Sean, was a dead ringer for Danny Gokey.
seriously.
but still, this is not to say I spent the rest of the day staring, and trying to draw comparisons between him and Danny Gokey.
He was very funny, and he made us all laugh so hard!

He was actually explaining the DISC profiling.
I'm I/C.
Well the most memorable part was when he came to explaining C.
one of the adjectives for C was 'Correct'.
I think you can guess what was coming next.


(ps.I just discovered that my head hurts ALSO WHEN I COUGH.)


Coach Sean: So, if your Engrish (insert funny expression) is not very good, this person will always come and correct you.
Class: Gowri! Gowri!
Me: laughs uncontrollably. (what did you expect, jump up and give everyone the ___?)
Coach Sean: Then, not only that. This person will also make sure you give the right accent. The Bree-ttish accent. Ohh my! Oh my god!! You must use the british accent!
Class: Gowri! Gowri!
Me: (you know what)
Coach Sean: Really ah? She does that?


It was as if he'd known me personally or something! Christ!


As you can see, the whole thing was really hilarious!
and i realized that I identified more with the C personality (calculative, cautious)
than I.

During the second half of the program,
my head started to hurt.
like, really badly.
to the point where I had to hold my head between my hands.
it was hell.
surprisingly, no one even cared to ask.


all in all,
the program was really helpful too,
made us feel empowered. or even more than that.
it was like a re-run of Councillor Camp, sans the running and strenuous activities.
it made me discover my priorities, now that I got back my colourful MYE marks.


after the program,
mr heng told us all to stay back to check our marks.
then mrs ong, at that very moment, called me out of my class for some phototaking thingy (it's a long story)
then had to run, with my sorethroat and headache, to the third floor, find lynette, run down.
then run back to class to find afiq.
By the time I got back to class, almost everyone had left.
Thank you to whoever who packed my bag. but unfortunately, you forgot to pack my really expensive pen, which is now lost)
it has a goddamn label on it, please return it if you find it :(


when I was walking out of school,
i was nearly dying.
the sun was merciless,
and for anyone with a headache and a sorethroat, obviously being in the sun isn't good at all.
i felt so darned pathetic and sorry for myself,
there was no one to walk me till the bus stop,
or the interchange
or to help me with my things.


I felt like a freaking loner, man.
i don't care what you guys think,
i know this is kinda personal to be written using such a widespread medium,
but i cldn't care less,
this is me, brutally frank and honest with who I am.


I waited and waited for the bus to come,
and i just couldn't take it, so I had to cab home.
usually i sit up, and i'm always alert, so I can see where the driver is going
but that day,
i was so dead, just sank into the cab.
godddd.


then mum took care of me and everything,
i slept at 1, woke up at 4,
slept at 6, woke up at 8,
slept at 9, woke up at 11.30.


awoke 3 times in 10 hours.
christ.
_____________________________


i've a lot of work to do,
and it's gonna be an uphill task.
I've to struggle really hard.
less music.
less surfing-the-internet.
less smiling, even.
but more work.
more hardship.
more achievements.
more development.
more empowerment.
more success.


And yes,
I want to do a lot more for ELDDS.
i don't want to just leave it like that. (who does, i hope?)
sure, there are a lot more people who are in higher posts than I and ought to be doing something about the situation,
but that doesn't mean I'll cut myself slack.


I'm a councillor.
I'm manufactured for these things.
I can do them.


au revoir, va. f, with love,



don't lose that smile.
don't lose your charm.
be strong through it all.
we're here for you through this time of loss.