http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAC81P9U-jM

Eternal Flame by The Bangles.


after one of our after-school trips to west mall, mum brought me home in a cab. i still remember the dehydrated smell of the cab seats, leaning my head against them, with this song playing on the radio.


one of the best songs ever to walk the face of this earth.




gosh,
where do I start?


today i suppose.


i just heard the words turkish delight, on a moonlit night.
ok, random.


came back from piano lessons at 6-ish.
i still remember trudging home. the bag hanging off from one of my shoulders. my eyes threatening to shut of their own accord. my head spinning. me meowing at a black cat, which was behind a fence.


me being in a bad mood. my head still spinning. falling into bed once my hair was down.
i'm just rambling on and on. like i told celine chian today, i tend to do things i'm not supposed to when im pissed. like today, i was supposed to leave school after looking for teachers, and i waited at a table with celine and nasri for no apparent reason. (well, actually there was..and it was all too apparent..)


we said nothing more, nothing less.
what have we come to?
i'm pissed off with this change, and i don't even want to go into what brought it on.
don't want to.


i really need earphones. headphones.whatever that sends music to my ears.



today was so...sighhh...
came to school at 7.30am..looked for joanne twice...
cos i'd councillor duty with her, and that's what i do every wednesday.
look for joanne.
anyway,
she came later.



so a lot of people sat with me and talked, fatin was as usual spouting nonsense and i did the same with her..i mean it's liberating to be with her kind of, you kinda leave your body and your mind and your senses, i think.



and surprisingly, i have no idea how this happened, but i managed to get saferah and cheng ying to sit with me. at that time, saferah was coming into school, and cheng ying was walking towards us from the other side of the general office. who would've thought.



anyhaus,
sat and talked to them, my two wonderful seniors. it's been a long time, especially saferah, who is one of the purest people you can find around.



i managed to survive the day, i mean it's tough when you have a lot of things at the back of your mind...



he wants to reach out a hand
wants to tell her it's alright
she turns away, not knowing
he watches her face fall into lines of misery


her mouth curl at the sides
her forehead wrinkle
her brows contract
queer he notices so much in such little time


she smiles, putting up a front
after,
her smile falls
like a marionette
with its strings cut


she watches for him at the window
her neck in a permanent twitch
her back in a permanent curvature
till this heartache is over with.


she's dying to pour it all out
but held back by the gates of emotion
of what may happen
of what may not


cut me open, she says
see me bleed,
watch the entrails spill out
till I disintegrate
come, she beckons
light my pyre
point out the way
get it over with.

- g.k.



things are so complicated now.
my god.
what have i come to?