APACHES :)
Ngee Ann Poly Youth Leaders' Camp
15-17th June 2010








FIRSTLY, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY that this blog post, written exactly 2 FREAKING MONTHS ago, was inspired by Matt Liu, one of our SLs (student leaders) from Youth Leaders Camp, which I just returned from on Thursday. Well, I read his blog, and the very honest, bare way in which he wrote, the rambling he indulged in, and his long sentences just made me want to start writing all over again. He has inspired me a lot more than the aforewritten sentences have let on, but I believe in thanks, first and foremost.



So, thank you, Matthew.



As to what deterred me from writing these two months, well, it was the time constraint. To blog, is a BIG effort on my part, because it involves a lot of my energy, and a lot of recalling. I'm not exaggerating. And besides, a lot has happened in the past two months, in march, may and june notably.



In March, I made a really difficult decision. It was terrible in the sense that I was forcing myself to be cold-hearted, and arrogant. On the other hand, I felt that I was standing up for myself, and refusing to apologise to the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Besides, it really hurt when I was expected to patch up and act as if nothing went wrong, when I hadn't done anything at all. I'm still not doing anything about the situation, and neither is the other party involved. I am appalled by their egos, and their sheer steadfastness in refusing to apologize.


It was made even worse by the fact that we were really thick friends, and we did a lot for each other, in the emotional sense. But when I come to realise that maybe, it wasn't sincere, don't even get me started.

I don't think we can ever go back to that, because this time, I'm not ready to be fooled.

It's true that I'd go to any length for my friends, and go all out for them. The true, loyal ones will vouch for that, go ask them. But when I did, and only to find out that they didnt feel the same way towards me, hurts worser than..well, the hurt of the worst kind.


I've had enough of it. And I'm standing by my decision.



April and May were whirlwinds. They fell in Term 2, which was probably the first most hectic period of time, preparation for the MYEs. For me, and i'm sure for a lot of other people, they were really difficult months. Ive always done my best for my studies, which is why I'm at least managing to keep my head above the water. However, these past few months, I've definitely not been the conscientious student my teachers have described me as. I guessed I pushed my luck when I shouldn't have.


Besides, a lot of dilemmas were hitting me all at once. Who doesn't have their troubles, aye?
But we all wear different shoes, if you get my drift.



And as I sit here, on the 21st of June, with the afternoon sun pouring through my windows, I'm fretting about


(a) The fact that there's only one miserable week for the holidays to end.

I don't want to make this worse by making some wee innuendo about this on Facebook, but there is nothing that can be done. All good things must come to an end. And I think I've joined the bandwagon of slackers. Because I've not completed my homework, am down to 60% of it.


(b) My throat is giving me a REAL good time.

It's all inflamed again, and it's rendering it really hard for me to speak. And my head hurts, and it's not just from the thinking. I hate this.


(c) I have yet to settle plans with my friends and family.

We're talking impromptu trips across the Causeway with my cousin's family. I'm talking a combined lunch outing with my juniors to make up for not being able to celebrate their birthdays. (I know what it feels like, for 2009 and 2010, my birthday fell on the day of the release of O Level results; how would you like to go running around and getting stressed up with some media crew people?)

I'm also talking about meeting up with my two great friends, Nivedha and Sailesh. I mean, we really have to get together and talk our hearts out.

Not forgetting you Portia! I am tweeting to you as I write this! Hopefully Borders will be fine when/if we go there, and the books will all have dried (assuming of course, they were not unscathed in the floods)


I sound like a total jackass.


and....



(d) The days of pure, unadulterated sloth are over.

I loved those days. Those days, when I would wake upside down on my bed, and heave a huge sigh of relief, that I have absolutely no plans for the day. Nothing. Zilch.


Merde.


However, on a lighter note, I've observed that there's a lot of love going around on Facebook, and it feels great to be on both the receving and giving ends.

So, shoutouts to:

My cousin (Geetz)
Niceline
Jolene
Isabelle Ong
Saferah
Iffah
Wenkai
Thilagan
Jerrold
Portia (on twitter)
and Iqbal (for waxing lyrical about beef)

AND TO ALL THE APACHES, CAMPERS, SLs and BUKIT VIEWANS WHO MADE THE CAMP TRULY SPECIAL.


Thank you guys :)



It feels great to blog again, and I'd feel even better if my ears weren't feeling as if they're being pounded by gavels.


It feels great to have the words pouring out, and my fingers flying over the keyboard a mile a minute.


It really does.