I think I should be doing something related to psychology in the future. I think I'd like to find out what makes us behave the way we do.



Since I've been known around school, I've been shamelessly (mis)judged over and over again, and that too, from an impressionable age. From an age where one's self-esteem is being developed.



After commenting on a few Facebook status updates this week and starting little debates all around, I'm still trying to put the situation into perspective.



For example, we write our FB status updates knowing full well they'll be scrutinized, used to reflect who we are. Some of us craft them, eliminating anything offensive. Some of us just blurt what's in our minds, not bothering about the fact that there will be people out there to counter what we say (eg. the conversation Bom Marielle and I had regarding Arthur Golden's credibility as an author.)



We all are up for judgement the day we are born. Even this very blog post is going to be scrutinized. In the hospital ward, relatives start to crowd around and say things along the lines of 'Looks like his mum/Looks like her dad/She's too light/He's too chubby/He'll grow up to be very sickly/She's inherited her mother's figure' So on and so forth. By the way, I'm not speaking from experience, my parents can vouch for that.



When we're in school, that's when I guess, the claws come out. In primary school, it starts off with subtle ostracization. Then it culminates in name-calling and even subtler ostracization.



In secondary school, that's when we have a broader picture of the world, its' wily ways, and the ways in which to out-run, out-score and out-wit.



Suddenly life becomes all about succeeding. I'm not saying success isn't important, I'm just rueing the fact that these days, it's all one thinks about. We have to be 10 steps ahead of each other, and the ways in which we try are endless.



Some of us sacrifice friendship, and ironically we see culture permeated with images and idealogies that our friends are the ones we turn to for help most of the time, because the generation gap with our parents is too BLOODY HARD TO BRIDGE. (?) Some of us sacrifice something that no one can live without: family. I'll let you guys form your own conclusions about that.



From my point of view, I see that we all have become so competitive nowadays, we think twice about even lending a friend notes. 'Will this person be better than me if he/she borrows this?" "Will his/her bad luck get to me?" "Will I die in my sleep after this?" Ridiculous questions, nebulous train of thought.



And the aspect which has contributed to a huge part of - say, my worries - sacrificing friendship. A few weeks ago, for the umpteenth time, I was snubbed by a friend of mine, after which my patience ran out. I took it online (and I'm admitting to it), because confrontation would be unbearable; my ears have suffered enough already. So this friend counter-attacked, on many sites as possible, shamelessly turning the tables. And for her (offline) promotions, she presumably spread things that weren't true about me. The whole incident has made me even more reluctant to trust people,but it's also taught me a lesson. Looking back on the photographs, the times, conversations, it hurts, but as long as I know I'm telling the truth on my side, and I've stood up for myself, I have a peace of mind about this.




I'm not saying that I'm new to gossip and rumours. After all, I've been made to deal with it from the time I was nine. It's just when it comes from the person you least expect it to, it hurts tenfold. And now I'm 16; the pain is dull. The needles are as sharp as ever, but my hide is thicker than before. I can't wrap myself in a banner that says, "I am pure, you have nothing to hate on me." We all have our shortcomings! I won't say that I'm completely refined. I still have problems keeping my voice down when I'm enthusiastic about something. I get angry quickly about certain issues.



However, I can't be bothered to refute every misconception about me, and believe me, I have tried. Although, there were some people who gave me the cold shoulder in Sec 1and 2. It went beyond ignoring; I'll skip the details. But now, we are on talking terms. Irregardless of their sincerity, at least we are on talking terms. And the reason is that they figure out, I'm not as stuck-up, or cold as they thought I would be. Transparency is necessary. Do we make friends assuming they're going to betray us later on? Do we fall in love thinking that the other party isn't going to be truthful?



I just wish people would be more sincere. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you really cherish your friends, cherish them unconditionally. Don't be with them just because they make you feel better about yourself, and leave them at lunchtime.



Thank you to the wonderful people in my life; my friends and family, for reminding me that you're there for me.



You may know of her, but do you really know her. You know his name, but do you know his story. You might have heard what he, she or they have done.. but you don't know what they've been through. So don't judge or spread the lies.. if you really want to know the truth, make the effort to be part of their lives.

- via Matthew Zachary Liu